Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Live.

A funny thing happens in the delivery room – we are born with instincts and inclinations, things we won’t discover for years.
Then we enter into the world and people start training us to be someone. Some of our instincts and inclinations change before we discover them, but some do not.
So, we become someone raised and developed, but representing a core truth – the little somethings we had before anyone taught us to be anything.

Then somewhere along the way awareness, expectation and judgement slap us in the face.

Unfortunately the end result is that all too often we start thinking we aren’t good enough or need to change because of others’ opinions. We spend too much of our lives trying to condition ourselves out of just being ourselves.

I think that if you find yourself having to conform just to fit into a group or a social setting or a conversation – it might be a better idea to consider changing your present company instead of yourself.

There are so many conditions to this…I’m not telling you to be okay to go about hurting yourself or other people in the name of, “it’s just who I am.” I’m talking about core truths. The things you love. The things you feel.

Be you. You only get once chance to live this life. Live it proudly.

Look for little reflections of yourself in the people you surround yourself with. Complement yourself in your company and in your interests. Don’t let them defeat you.

And help other people do the same.

Life is hard enough without us setting out to push each other down on account of basic differences.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Negative emotions - Cause and Reaction.

Have you ever reacted to something in anger or sadness and then looked back and had to ask yourself why you were even reacting in the first place?

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Before blowing up on someone with an issue or reacting out of pure emotion, try this.

Write down the reason you are reacting and be specific. What set off your emotion. Then go one step further and write down how that kind of emotion feels to you.

Read what you wrote and then walk away from it for 30 minutes. Read it again.

Too often we react out of emotion on the spot and say things we don't mean to say. Not enough thought goes into the reaction.

Putting space between the event and the expression of it is sometimes all it takes for me to gain perspective and communicate more clearly about my feelings.

If I find that I feel foolish reading my own reactions if I can't justify my reaction to anyone outside of the person I'm upset with - I try to set it aside or find a calm way to talk through my feelings.

I've lost too many days and nights of my life to premature reaction to things.

What do you do to dispel negative emotions?

Friday, January 15, 2010

Preferences aren’t Superiorities.

I went into Einstein’s to order my coffee today and something in the voice of the woman ordering behind me made me want to share this thought.

Preferences are merely preferences – not superiorities.

Haven’t you ever noticed that there are certain people who feel like their preferences put them at a higher level than the other people around them? They feel somehow elevated by what they like. As if preferences aren’t just things that we grow to like as individuals, but that somehow we grow to like them because we are better, smarter, or more sophisticated than the people around us.

It’s just not true. What’s best for you isn’t necessarily best for the people around you. No amount of convincing or judging will make it so.

It seems like we as a society would grow closer if we look at differences as leveling agents – positives. We can’t grow if we don’t see and embrace what is different than us.

By nature we will all encounter, try and be exposed to different things that this world has to offer – if we listen to each others' stories and reasons, we grow.

If we use them as ways to judge I think we fail to see the point of living.

Embrace people for who they are. And remember it never hurts to try something a different way, but there is nothing to say that anyone’s way has to be better for you than your own. And in the same, your way is not necessarily what is best for other people.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Remind Me

"Maybe you expected marriage to be perfect - I guess that's where you and I are different. See, I thought it would be all about making mistakes but doing it with someone who's there to remind you what you learned along the way." - Jody Picoult, Handle With Care.