Friday, October 30, 2009

Erin as Me - It's Halloween

After I got down wanting to claw my eyes out because of how embarrassed I am at the interpretation of me at work - I nearly peed my pants.

Erin dressed up as me today. Holy tacos. This makes me laugh.

The real me.

Erin, as me.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Why Have I Never Heard This Song Before? Why?

Thank you, Sara!!!

Glitter In The Air lyrics

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Splendid Skies

I wanted to share a glimpse of my morning drive with everyone. The sky is so beautiful.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Recyclable Comfort Food

Today I ordered a grilled cheese and it came stamped with this pretty little recycle label on it.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Addressed to Anonymous

When my grandma passed away and i still had things I wanted to say to her...I wrote them in a letter to her, but had no where to send it to. Yesterday I had a lot of emotions I wanted to purge. I wrote them and sealed them in a letter, but had no where to send it to. So I got to thinking...what if there was somewhere to send that letter anonymously. Some place to put it out into the universe and maybe even to get response (not from the intended recipient, but from someone who could relate or just wanted to provide comfort and wisdom). Out of this I started a new idea/blog/community share site. Addressed to Anonymous. Who do you have to say that you can't or just haven't? Who would you write a letter to if it could be anonymous? Don't tell me on here...start writing the letter. Send your letter anonymously to PO Box 365, Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022. I'll post it on a blog. I'll encourage community response letters and open exchange. The more people that write, the more interesting it gets. Profess love. Apologies. Regrets. Fears. Frustrations. Mourn. Celebrate. Reach out. All I ask is that the letters remain non violent and threat free (we don't want to scare anyone). Please start writing. Pass this project along. It can't work without your help, honesty, or the belief that somewhere out there your message will be heard and received just as it was meant to be.

Once we get going you'll find all letters posted at AddressedtoAnonymous.blogspot.com.

Aren't you interested in seeing and reading letters that might hold personal relevance to you?

PO Box 365
Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Alive and Watching Movies

I'm alive and well...just still living in a land of silence. And my brain still needs it. So, please do forgive me.

Here's what I can share...In my shut down I've been watching movies!

Last night's choice was Kissing Jessica Stein last. I forgot how much I love that movie.

I want to share a quote by Rilke that is featured in it a couple of times.

"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive."
-Rilke

What are your "go to" movies when you need to shut off for a bit?

Mine have always been:
Eternal Sunshine of the Forgotten Mind
Closer
One Fine Day
Bed of Roses
Return to Me

This month I've been watching:
Someone Like you
You've got Mail
Kissing Jessica Stein

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday My Town Shoot Out ~ Sunrise/Sunsets



Well and Overflow

There are times that I find it necessary to convince myself that I am tough. Even through very trying times I show up for work every day, laugh a considerable amount, and manage to function.

Truth is though, sometimes you do need to shut down and find a release…or your body will find one for you.

Relationship, health, stability, foundations – each has presented their struggles to me lately. And I’ve acknowledged them, but asked them quickly to pass so I could get back to just being me. I don’t like being the downer. I don’t like facing my fool.

But last night I cracked…while sleeping. I was defenseless. I had a terrible dream and woke up already crying. Drenched in sweat and tears, forced to release.

I wish that more often I would remember that what wells up inside inevitably overflows. I can shove off hurt or fear when I feel them, but the truth is they don’t go anywhere. They just sink deeper inside and hide until they can sneak up on me again.

The best think to do with any emotion/situation is to stare it straight in the face until it tells you the truth. The truth is always there and easier to deal with when it is raw and not hidden under layers of denial.

Sadness dissipates through mourning. Fear become strength when we take it on.

I’ve made my emotions my enemy lately. Pushing them around, square inch by square inch, until they shift into a smile on my face. Piecing together what’s left standing strong into a puzzle that looks unshaken.

And that’s all fine and responsible and productive, but I have to remember that if I keep denying the underlying emotions – the second I let my guard down they will rearrange and take shape on their own. The true picture is always lurking.

The squares will shift, the smile will flip, and I’ll find myself isolated in a pool of everything I haven’t wanted to face. And now it’ll be too late to deal with them one at a time…they’ll all be there together. Piled high and ready to apply force until I deal with them directly and give them the attention they need.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cluck-a-doodle-dooooooooo.

Today I did it.

Every morning I drive past a garden supply store on my way to work. And every morning I look at the rooster statue standing more than 5' tall in front of it and think, "I want a picture of him."

And then I drive by.

I'm either too late for work. Or just not in the mood. Or it's raining. Or I've got other things on my mind. In other words I'm full of excuses. I have spent more time reasoning myself out of taking that picture than it would have taken to just pull over and snap it.

What changed today? The Details in the Fabric.

It was recommended that I listen to this Jason Mraz song and pay attention to the lyrics. So, I did...and in listening I decided to stop paralyzing myself. To stop driving by just because I'm preoccupied or feeling lost.

"Calm Down. Deep Breaths. And get yourself dressed. Instead of running around and pulling all of your threads. And breaking yourself up."

And that's what I need to do. The way I've been operating for the last week hasn't gotten me anywhere except for behind...and broken up with myself.

I'm in a huge holding pattern. Circling over decisions in a large figure eight, the infinity symbol - being disillusioned by the notion that I might have more time and chances than I actually do. Thinking that if I just keep driving by that rooster will still be there. That life won't pass me by.

But it's not true. I have to move forward every day. Despite not knowing where I'm headed or what's to come, forward is still the answer.

Tomorrow's aren't guaranteed and if I start thinking that they are, I'll try to remind myself that today is already yesterday's tomorrow...and that they go too quickly.

So today with the rooster staring me down. I took advantage of the present moment. I snapped the shot. And in that moment I was present. And I got what I wanted. And I moved forward.

"And everything will be fine."


(You'll see this big guy also featured on www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com later in the day.)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Hello

Dear blog friends.

There's a lot changing/happening in my life and unfortunately that has silenced my writing a bit. I feel so afraid to commit words here because in some ways I am a believer that you get back more of what you release into the world. And right now I don't know what I want...so I don't want to release anything. It's a "Be careful what you wish for" kind of thing.

I hope that makes sense.

I hate being silent here, because this blog...and the community it creates for me has become a home. And I don't want to let anyone down. Mainly myself.

If you have any ideas on how I can help my mind to get re-involved with writing and sharing a bit...please pass them on.

I could use a little motivation right now.

Until then, please keep taking a look at the other blog project I am happily involved in at www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com

My camera has become a cherished and constant companion for me. My use of it evolves every day.

Happy Fall!

Jamie

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Quiet. Really, really quiet.



Baby says I can't come with him
And I had read all of this in his eyes
Long before he even said so
Why go, I asked
You know and I know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spend on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Friday Shootout - Photo Study of A Building

Cleveland Public Library. One of my favorite places downtown. It's just beautiful.










It's you.

Under the open sky
In the middle of a downpour
I said your name.

The drops suspended mid air
And there was a complete cessation of noise.

I looked up expecting a bridge overhead
But instead found you rolling through my mind.

In that moment it became clear...
If only I say your name
My world will wait for you.

As if in applause of my realization
A flock of birds rose into sight
Scattered wide
Then came in tight

A heartbeat. A pulse. A sign.

You. It's you. It's you.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Time and Tea Time

I've been dealing with some silly medical issues this past week so I've been quiet. I don't really even know what's going on or I'd share in more detail. My body is just feeling a little out of sync in many ways. I'm sleeping it off and checked in with the Dr. just to be sure. She's looking into some stuff. More updates later.

Here's what's fun this week ~

:) Courtney and I started a joint blog that is going to be lots of fun...we were going to build up some content and then post it...but I'm too excited. Welcome to be purdy 365. Courtney is so talented...she rocks. Enjoy her pretty little blog header design.

:) I just placed my first online order for Yogi Tea. After receiving the Himalayan Apple Spice sample in the mail I got quite attached. I've looked, but I still haven't been able to find it in any store. So, I gave in and ordered it online along with:

Classic India Spice
Breathe Deep
Echinacea Immune Support
Cold Season Tea Sampler


I'm gearing up for the cold :)