Thursday, April 30, 2009

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


“Signs, signs – everywhere there’s signs.  Blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind. Do this. Don’t do that. Can’t you read the signs?”

 I’ve always played this little game with myself.  When I’m thinking over decisions and I’m on the road I look at the license plates for signs. 

They have honestly encouraged me on decisions in the past…but I’ve never had as direct of a sign as I had yesterday.

I was tired as can be and debating whether or not to go to the gym.

I look at the car in front of me and I see this.


Double Whammy on that one.  I couldn't argue, so I went.

Cheers to little synchronicities and big signs!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Human Amalgam

All these human connections.

I’ve really been thinking about the people that have come into my life.

About whether they have been relationships of chance, proximity (convenience), choice, or need. Or a little blend of all?

I’ve had people who stay for a long while – gently nudging at me for a duration and shaping my perception, my memory, my experience.

I have had people that come in quickly and do something so profound and impacting that they have altered me in that very instant.

Then there are the people I find in some ways the most intriguing. The ones that I have spent time next to for days, months, and years that never turned into any direct interaction. Passerbys - people we spend countless hours with and then easily walk away and never look back. People that were there but hardly present at all.

I suppose with some of these people it would be so easy to walk up and start a conversation, bond over location alone, but for some reason we don’t.

It could be that in that particular connection there isn’t a need to be filled. It’s possible that we are just on different life tracks even if we are bound to the same location.

With the passerby there is always the chance that there someone is being affected, just that it’s not mutual. One person noticing in intricate detail another person who is noticing nothing in return at all.

There are plenty of people over the years that I’ve wondered about, that had some sort of impact on me, that might not even know that I exist.

And, there’s a good chance that in life I have been standoffish to people that might have thought or wondered about me – people I may have affected without noticing.

It’s all so strange and delicate – the nature of human connection.

I know I personally have chased after connections that were never going to form. I have been repelled by a lack of mutual need.

I have formed close connections with people years after I pursued the connection. When the mutual need was in place.

I have repelled people years after I aggressively chased a connection because my need was no longer there.

Overall though I find it quite interesting that the person I am today is likely an amalgam of all of these people that have passed by, passed through, or stood by my side.

You meet one person and the thing or the moment you share sticks, then you meet another and the same. You become a mirror reflecting little pieces of the people you’ve met along the way – and they reflect a tiny piece of you.

It’s our defenses, our expectations, our nostalgias, our affinity to smells, to food, to music. All these pieces of the people in our lives and the things we expose each other to.

Not a moment of life is a waste if you put it into perspective. We are changing each other moment by moment, in some tiny and some large ways.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Bursting at the seams.

Smaller than yourself.
Sitting comfortably in your skin.
Bursting out of the seams.

Life can be quite a ride with many phases and many cycles, but here’s my take on them.

There’s a place in life for the sitting comfortably…and a place for bursting out, but you shouldn’t allow your time in life to ever be lived feeling smaller than you really are.

The healthiest places in life for me are the ones where I’m being challenged and I say yes to the challenge.

I have a tendency to get lazy at times…to stay away from things that require a huge exertion of energy or that require me to step out of my comfort zone. I never feel good about myself when I allow life to get away from me and when I'm shying away from thigns. Even so, it’s not always easy to break out of a phase like that.

I feel so alive when I’m pushing myself to new limits…trying new things, eating right, staying healthy, moving outside of my comfort zone.

I realize that there is always a need for feeling comfortable…knowing the place where you fit in and the space where life is calming. It’s a way to recharge and process life…but if you stay there too long there is always danger of shrinking to something smaller than your best self.

I want to stay positive and active. I want to try new things and to push myself. I’m sick of feeling like a wimp and letting myself get away with slacking.

So here’s to busting out at the seams.

What are you going to challenge yourself with today??

Sunday, April 19, 2009

To writing and reflection.

It's certainly not that I haven't wanted to write.
It's just that every time I sit down to put my words to paper they come out clunky and disconnected. I try to doodle and the same. The map of my lines is disjointed and not entirely making sense.
I keep looking for a reflection of myself in others and I struggle to understand what I see.
I'm at a spot where I desire to feel connected. I think I'm craving the change of season and all of the social and personal transitions that come with it.
Be patient with me and I will come back around. I keep telling myself that the act of writing involves only getting words on paper. They don't have to be crafted perfect or entirely thought out the first time around, they just have to be presented.
So, here's to writing and reflection.
In hopes that one of the two, or both, brings me back around.
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Friday, April 10, 2009


We are out of here for the Easter Holiday and Spring Break. I've got a bit of trip anxiety. Kind of normal for me. But I'm looking forward to a great week away and to seeing and exploring a new place.

Happy Holidays to everyone!
Take flight in your lives and laugh a lot. It's the stuff that really counts!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Heading to Denver, Co

Anybody been there and want to make suggestions on things we should see and do?

We are looking for both indoor and outdoor fun...not sure yet how the weather is going to be.

Circus of Wheels (August 2005)

Welcome inside
The circus of wheels
Mothers, lovers, fluids, meals

Welcome inside
Don't put anything down
We're transporting all that's not tied to the ground

Lay your life on a bed
Lay your life on a table
We'll move you as long as we see that we're able

Who you'll see here
You just never know
But you can be sure they'll have wheels in tow

A rolling cart full of meals
For a portable tray
To glide up to a bed three times a day

So, roll in. Get cozy
Now, get up. Roll out.
Through the tunnels of pushers
Of mechanics and doubt

The circus of wheels is open all day
And all night for the few who are willing to stay
It's noisy and cold, constantly moving
But don't settle in - the drone's never soothing

Written - August 2005.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Check Yes or No

I personally haven't been on the receiving end of a "yes or no" letter written on three hole punched lined paper for many many years. Well, until yesterday.

Please have a look at what the 13 or 15 year old (he wasn't sure when questioned by the cops about his age or year of birth) spanish speaking neighbor of ours was leaving in the door when Maura stopped him and asked him to hand it over.

This all happened at 10 pm.

Needless to say we sent our response in the form of a police officer to his home.

The boy explained to the officers that the letter was just a mix up. He had one in his hand for his girlfriend and then one for us that was going to be asking us to join him at chuch (which happened to be what he told Maura the letter was about when he handed it over to her.)

Very common proposition and church. Especially from a 13/15 year old.

So had we not sent the cops over I guess he was coming back to see what the response was.

If he had been a bit older I might have purchased a male stripper to greet him at the door. But the only hardball I want to play with a 13 year old includes the local authorities.

AND, by the way, the young man's method of note delivery before Maura saw him approaching the house was to leave the letter in the door. Interestingly, he didn't sign it. So say we had found the note in the door and wanted to respond in some way...we'd have had to be up for a romp with WHOEVER might have showed up at 1:30 a.m. to collect the note. So we must seem really, really hard up over here.

"Hey, yes, to whoever it is that writes with 7 year old penmanship and can't spell words - we'd love a 1:30 hook up!!!"

Boys will be boys. Hope he lost as much sleep over this letter as I did.

PS. Life it out side we translated to mean "leave it outside".

Enjoy the read.
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Friday, April 3, 2009


(Monday, November 26, 2007)

I fell asleep leaning against the bathroom wall.

I fell asleep leaning against the bathroom wall.

Lonely is a funny place to be.

Comfort is often found while standing still in places I know people pass through.

But it's lost the moment anyone speaks to me directly.

I've lost my energy for speaking.

I like to sit and stare and absorb the noise of other people's lives until it becomes a distant rumble and I can close my eyes.

In other people's houses, in the comfort of strange couches – that's where I find retreat, my chance to sleep.

When I lay back in my bed I'm too aware of the weight of my head.

And while it hurts to lie there, I don't seem to want to get up.

So, I stiffen as I wait, hollow for another day.

Another place to lie and drift away.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Thaw - unfinessed

Man with a plan
70mm from where he stands
Lens in hands

White calves sport shorts
Jacket draped on waist
Spring-time pace, no haste

Wobble walk from here to there
Grass and water, needs a share
Stroller is confining

A loyal friend on padded paws
Lunch and breed with drooling jaw
One chain away from freedom

Chit chat gossip in the sun
Circling bikes, no bond undone
The thaw of winter season

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


{I've got lots or writing on myspace that I don't want to lose - periodically I'm goign to transfer pieces over here to share with you}

Rock (Feb. 5, 2008)

We lay still on that rock overlooking the water

Soaking in the heat and hypnotized by the breeze dancing across soft leaves

Strangers play chaotic around us

It's here that we are able to find silence

Where we forget that we are headed down separate paths

Yours to the world and mine to the four walls and tiny voices I call home

We've always loved these places together

Taken the time to unwind where our lives intersect

And I always find you inside of me when I imagine my tomorrows

My beaches, my forests, my books, my calm

I take you there with me, to where I can't let go

To where we don't have to say goodbye

Here is where you'll stay, and where I'll find us should we part

You can always meet me in the middle, in your mind

And for a moment we'll rewind

Taking back what we fought so hard to find.