Friday, December 4, 2009

Changes


I miss this blog. I've been going through changes...big changes in life...and because of that I haven't been drawing conclusions big enough to write about. But I miss it.

So, what do I write about when I don't want to write about me? Or how do i get back to myself enough to write?

Meanwhile, please keep checking out www.bepurdy365@blogspot.com :)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Winnie the - OMG I LOVE YOU - Pooh

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best -- " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.
-- Winnie the Pooh

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Firing Up the Hibachi Grill

Had a fabulous dinner at the Japanese Steakhouse with family the other night...and I remembered to bring my camera. Here's a glimpse into our night.

I love hibachi!






Monday, November 9, 2009

The privilege of knowing and loving.

Out of all of the billions of people in this world…why you and why me? Why us?
Have you ever asked yourself those questions?

I have been thinking a ton of the people who are a part of my life.

It’s far too easy once someone is inside to forget all the itty bitty steps it took to get them there. The serendipity of meeting. The decision to connect. The dynamic of initial exchanges. The revealing of personal details. The observation of idiosyncrasies. The fighting. The making up. The shared laughs. The surrender of pride. Crossing the boundary into daily existence. The decision to ask a person to stay with you share a part of this lifetime. The realization that you don't ever want to be without them.

Friendship. Love. Connection in every form that it takes.

I don’t want to forget all of the reasons that human connections exist, especially the ones that are a part of me.

It is a complete privilege to know another human being on an intimate level. Think about how rare it truly is to let someone on the inside and how very few people in the world will ever be there.

We pass by so many people in our daily lives…this means that the ones we grow closer to are truly exceptional. They move in past the boundaries that so many people will never have the benefit of crossing.

I am so thankful for the people who have opened me up and who have opened up to me.
It is only through my exchange with others that I learn about myself, my needs, my values, my strengths and my weaknesses. It is only through my connections that I can even come close to understanding love.

I try to remember in every exchange that knowing someone isn’t a guarantee…it’s a choice and a blessing.

I am thankful for every person who has made my heart feel love and for every person who has let me love them in return.

My advice: Celebrate people. And tell them what they mean to you…too often we take for granted that they might know...and every person can benefit from hearing their importance every once in a while.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Disconnect. Reconnect.

It's been a month. Oh, it's been a month.

Have you ever gone through a period of life more as a witness from the outside - just not making a direct connection with the world around you?

That's where I've been for quite some time now.

I lost my conviction and because of that began wandering, but not really sure towards what. Well, the truth is that I actually wasn't heading towards anything - I was just letting go and waiting for a different moment. I was waiting for certainty to hit me.

I'd come home from work and want to experience complete silence. I wanted to close my eyes for a bit and reboot.

And I did. I've barely moved at all in a month's time physically, mentally, or emotionally. I was living in a disconnected reality. Half way between asleep and awake.
~~~~

Yesterday, I began to feel better. And I want to share that with you all.

Sometimes in life we think that we need to make choices. And in the stress of trying to force ourselves to make choices we become paralyzed. Sometimes there just isn't an immediate choice to make. Sometimes we are making the wrong choice and our soul fights it with everything it has, cautioning us not to move because we are moving in the wrong direction. And sometimes we just need to accept things as they are right in a moment - to reconnect with reality exactly as it is and not make decisions.

I spent a month trying to box myself into some set of behaviors that just didn't fit me, and most certainly didn't fit my heart. Trying to make myself be okay in a moment that I just wasn't. And punishing myself for anything I felt along the way.

Because of that, I didn't recognize myself and wasn't able to engage life. I was a stranger in my own skin.

My advice: Do not do this to yourself. Life does take some figuring out sometimes, but you can't force it to happen all at once. You sometimes have to just let it unfold and trust that there is a plan bigger than your own in action.

I believe this is what I was denying for the last few weeks. My soul was doing one thing, my life another. The longer I tried to stop myself from living the weaker my soul got. My drive went down. My heart shut down. And beliefs shut down.

I am going to let myself be me. And with that conviction, suddenly I can feel again.

Happy Saturday.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Oh, Mishka

Some exciting and encouraging news!

I reached out to a fellow blogger, one that I have been following for months now, for support on the Addressed to Anonymous project. Today, she made my day and posted about the project. Her blog, for good reason, is very popular and could potentially help take the project to another level.

If you aren't already reading her blog...you should be. It's charming. Inspiring. Honest. And loaded with fun photography.

Check it out! And enjoy the post on Addressed to Anonymous.

Thank you to anyone who is working on their letters.

I got my first two yesterday and I know that there are more on the way :)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Blood. Photography. Life.

Blood.
During one of my 7 a.m. appointments, my chiropractor started to explain the difficulty of measuring certain substances in the body utilizing blood work.

A single blood test captures one moment in time…the levels in the blood at one tiny moment – one frame in what is an entire slide show.

It doesn’t capture enough of the picture of what goes on in the body over an extended period of time. And for certain things, one moment doesn’t necessarily depict the whole.

You can't always judge health by the reality existing in a single moment. You can get an indication of how things are...but not necessarily a clear picture of what they will be.

Photography.
I’ve been really into posting pictures on my shared blog, www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com.

One day in a moment of haste I sent over a picture that I absolutely do not like. When I roll past it I regret the moment I sent it over to be posted.

I have to fight the urge to let that one small slide ruin my impression of my own photography – the urge to allow that one slide to depict the whole.

Life.
What am I getting at here?

Simply this.

I’m trying to teach myself and remind myself to resist the urge to define life solely by individual moments.

There is always so much more going on than what we can see if we are constantly reacting.

It’s easy to lose awareness of the good or bad that came before if we are reacting to life in a tunnel. We start doing everything based purely off of momentary emotion – emotion not supported by context.

And the sad part about that is that once we react this way, we tend to keep reacting this way…because moments change and emotions do too. It’s inevitable.

I’m trying to tell myself to take a step back and put a buffer in between myself and the verbalization of my emotions. I'm not saying that I can’t have my emotions and I'm certainly not saying that they aren’t real. That would equate to avoidance. So, I'm still letting myself cry my eyes out when I’m sad and laugh hysterically when I’m tickled...I’m just resisting the urge to foolishly let myself believe that just because I’m crying in a moment that everything is sad. It’s not. That moment and that thing might be sad…but there is plenty of good outside of it.

My advice of the day: Live the moments…but keep your eye on the whole.

Birds. And Truth. And Music.

My truth hasn't lined itself up and because of that I write, but I write only to me.

In the meanwhile I have been moved nearly out of my own skin into the world if Ingrid Michaelson. Her concert was so touching and lovely. I want to share this song with you...because it's not on the CD and because it has got its wings wrapped around me.

Life from here looks entirely pretty.

Birds. Tiny, baby birds. I'm quite positive they sing from within her.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Erin as Me - It's Halloween

After I got down wanting to claw my eyes out because of how embarrassed I am at the interpretation of me at work - I nearly peed my pants.

Erin dressed up as me today. Holy tacos. This makes me laugh.

The real me.

Erin, as me.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Why Have I Never Heard This Song Before? Why?

Thank you, Sara!!!

Glitter In The Air lyrics

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Splendid Skies

I wanted to share a glimpse of my morning drive with everyone. The sky is so beautiful.


Monday, October 26, 2009

Recyclable Comfort Food

Today I ordered a grilled cheese and it came stamped with this pretty little recycle label on it.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Addressed to Anonymous

When my grandma passed away and i still had things I wanted to say to her...I wrote them in a letter to her, but had no where to send it to. Yesterday I had a lot of emotions I wanted to purge. I wrote them and sealed them in a letter, but had no where to send it to. So I got to thinking...what if there was somewhere to send that letter anonymously. Some place to put it out into the universe and maybe even to get response (not from the intended recipient, but from someone who could relate or just wanted to provide comfort and wisdom). Out of this I started a new idea/blog/community share site. Addressed to Anonymous. Who do you have to say that you can't or just haven't? Who would you write a letter to if it could be anonymous? Don't tell me on here...start writing the letter. Send your letter anonymously to PO Box 365, Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022. I'll post it on a blog. I'll encourage community response letters and open exchange. The more people that write, the more interesting it gets. Profess love. Apologies. Regrets. Fears. Frustrations. Mourn. Celebrate. Reach out. All I ask is that the letters remain non violent and threat free (we don't want to scare anyone). Please start writing. Pass this project along. It can't work without your help, honesty, or the belief that somewhere out there your message will be heard and received just as it was meant to be.

Once we get going you'll find all letters posted at AddressedtoAnonymous.blogspot.com.

Aren't you interested in seeing and reading letters that might hold personal relevance to you?

PO Box 365
Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Alive and Watching Movies

I'm alive and well...just still living in a land of silence. And my brain still needs it. So, please do forgive me.

Here's what I can share...In my shut down I've been watching movies!

Last night's choice was Kissing Jessica Stein last. I forgot how much I love that movie.

I want to share a quote by Rilke that is featured in it a couple of times.

"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive."
-Rilke

What are your "go to" movies when you need to shut off for a bit?

Mine have always been:
Eternal Sunshine of the Forgotten Mind
Closer
One Fine Day
Bed of Roses
Return to Me

This month I've been watching:
Someone Like you
You've got Mail
Kissing Jessica Stein

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday My Town Shoot Out ~ Sunrise/Sunsets



Well and Overflow

There are times that I find it necessary to convince myself that I am tough. Even through very trying times I show up for work every day, laugh a considerable amount, and manage to function.

Truth is though, sometimes you do need to shut down and find a release…or your body will find one for you.

Relationship, health, stability, foundations – each has presented their struggles to me lately. And I’ve acknowledged them, but asked them quickly to pass so I could get back to just being me. I don’t like being the downer. I don’t like facing my fool.

But last night I cracked…while sleeping. I was defenseless. I had a terrible dream and woke up already crying. Drenched in sweat and tears, forced to release.

I wish that more often I would remember that what wells up inside inevitably overflows. I can shove off hurt or fear when I feel them, but the truth is they don’t go anywhere. They just sink deeper inside and hide until they can sneak up on me again.

The best think to do with any emotion/situation is to stare it straight in the face until it tells you the truth. The truth is always there and easier to deal with when it is raw and not hidden under layers of denial.

Sadness dissipates through mourning. Fear become strength when we take it on.

I’ve made my emotions my enemy lately. Pushing them around, square inch by square inch, until they shift into a smile on my face. Piecing together what’s left standing strong into a puzzle that looks unshaken.

And that’s all fine and responsible and productive, but I have to remember that if I keep denying the underlying emotions – the second I let my guard down they will rearrange and take shape on their own. The true picture is always lurking.

The squares will shift, the smile will flip, and I’ll find myself isolated in a pool of everything I haven’t wanted to face. And now it’ll be too late to deal with them one at a time…they’ll all be there together. Piled high and ready to apply force until I deal with them directly and give them the attention they need.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cluck-a-doodle-dooooooooo.

Today I did it.

Every morning I drive past a garden supply store on my way to work. And every morning I look at the rooster statue standing more than 5' tall in front of it and think, "I want a picture of him."

And then I drive by.

I'm either too late for work. Or just not in the mood. Or it's raining. Or I've got other things on my mind. In other words I'm full of excuses. I have spent more time reasoning myself out of taking that picture than it would have taken to just pull over and snap it.

What changed today? The Details in the Fabric.

It was recommended that I listen to this Jason Mraz song and pay attention to the lyrics. So, I did...and in listening I decided to stop paralyzing myself. To stop driving by just because I'm preoccupied or feeling lost.

"Calm Down. Deep Breaths. And get yourself dressed. Instead of running around and pulling all of your threads. And breaking yourself up."

And that's what I need to do. The way I've been operating for the last week hasn't gotten me anywhere except for behind...and broken up with myself.

I'm in a huge holding pattern. Circling over decisions in a large figure eight, the infinity symbol - being disillusioned by the notion that I might have more time and chances than I actually do. Thinking that if I just keep driving by that rooster will still be there. That life won't pass me by.

But it's not true. I have to move forward every day. Despite not knowing where I'm headed or what's to come, forward is still the answer.

Tomorrow's aren't guaranteed and if I start thinking that they are, I'll try to remind myself that today is already yesterday's tomorrow...and that they go too quickly.

So today with the rooster staring me down. I took advantage of the present moment. I snapped the shot. And in that moment I was present. And I got what I wanted. And I moved forward.

"And everything will be fine."


(You'll see this big guy also featured on www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com later in the day.)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Hello

Dear blog friends.

There's a lot changing/happening in my life and unfortunately that has silenced my writing a bit. I feel so afraid to commit words here because in some ways I am a believer that you get back more of what you release into the world. And right now I don't know what I want...so I don't want to release anything. It's a "Be careful what you wish for" kind of thing.

I hope that makes sense.

I hate being silent here, because this blog...and the community it creates for me has become a home. And I don't want to let anyone down. Mainly myself.

If you have any ideas on how I can help my mind to get re-involved with writing and sharing a bit...please pass them on.

I could use a little motivation right now.

Until then, please keep taking a look at the other blog project I am happily involved in at www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com

My camera has become a cherished and constant companion for me. My use of it evolves every day.

Happy Fall!

Jamie

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Quiet. Really, really quiet.



Baby says I can't come with him
And I had read all of this in his eyes
Long before he even said so
Why go, I asked
You know and I know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

Take care
I've been hurt before
Too much time spend on closing doors
You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you
Goodbye
Don't cry
You know why
And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
As they steal your best memories away
What if I was someone different in your only history?
Would you feel the same
As I walk out the door
Never to see your face again
Never to see your face again

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
It'll be just as quiet when I leave
As it was when I first got here
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything to change when I leave

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Friday Shootout - Photo Study of A Building

Cleveland Public Library. One of my favorite places downtown. It's just beautiful.










It's you.

Under the open sky
In the middle of a downpour
I said your name.

The drops suspended mid air
And there was a complete cessation of noise.

I looked up expecting a bridge overhead
But instead found you rolling through my mind.

In that moment it became clear...
If only I say your name
My world will wait for you.

As if in applause of my realization
A flock of birds rose into sight
Scattered wide
Then came in tight

A heartbeat. A pulse. A sign.

You. It's you. It's you.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Time and Tea Time

I've been dealing with some silly medical issues this past week so I've been quiet. I don't really even know what's going on or I'd share in more detail. My body is just feeling a little out of sync in many ways. I'm sleeping it off and checked in with the Dr. just to be sure. She's looking into some stuff. More updates later.

Here's what's fun this week ~

:) Courtney and I started a joint blog that is going to be lots of fun...we were going to build up some content and then post it...but I'm too excited. Welcome to be purdy 365. Courtney is so talented...she rocks. Enjoy her pretty little blog header design.

:) I just placed my first online order for Yogi Tea. After receiving the Himalayan Apple Spice sample in the mail I got quite attached. I've looked, but I still haven't been able to find it in any store. So, I gave in and ordered it online along with:

Classic India Spice
Breathe Deep
Echinacea Immune Support
Cold Season Tea Sampler


I'm gearing up for the cold :)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Life lessons by Regina Brett of the Plain Dealer

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

By Joey Morona

September 20, 2007, 2:03PM

Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday,May 28, 2006

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.