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Impaired Judgement

I live a life of impaired judgement.
That’s why the wildest flowers rush to bloom in my arms.
And stories filled with truth boom inside my ears.
Your stories. His. Hers. And, my stories.

I can’t sleep with all these rules.
The air is too thin.
I want to learn to thrive in the thick of it.
And, melt magnificently in the heat of it.

Unravel and tangle into all new knots.
Find a way to slip through the cracks and expand to create space.
Experiment with a stance that is completely still and strong.
Then, crawl desperately towards the feet of everything I am afraid of.

Thrash around.
Kick up dirt.
And, rise again covered in messy, beautiful life.


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The knowing.

You settled into my dream. Stared me from my sleep. And told me it was time for a birth.  I asked if I could stay by your side.  A tender “no” was pushed from your lips. I stood to leave while the others danced around me. Your fear and my rejection walked me out of that dream.
That morning, grief was born. It poured from my body for 7 straight days.
You ghosted my life with coffee, clowns, and diamonds - A knowing that slipped between us. Then a person of your making began to stain my thoughts. He received the words I couldn’t say to you. And we connected over the beauty and pain you left behind.
We both miss your song.

Wild in transition.

I planted a bunch of seeds in my office this winter to try to work through a period of transition that I was experiencing. I bought them lights, watered them, talked to them often, over nurtured them...tried. Now that the sun has been high in the sky and the season is right...they are all growing wildly.

Lesson learned. No matter how much you try, you can't force anything to blossom in the wrong season. Even yourself. You can plant the seeds. You can fill them with intention. But, until the time is right it's mostly about sowing hopes and waiting.

So, now I'll be thinking about the seeds I want to plant in my own life for the next season. What do I want to harvest when the time for growth has come to an end and it's time to store my energy up for the next natural transition?


Press the seed of this story just inside my lips
I will nurture it with warm breath and a low hum
Let it dance from the tip to the cup of this tongue
Then tuck it safe inside my cheek for later
When it's time to swallow it whole