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The root and the wing. The rock and the sea.

This Revolutionary Road movie has really stirred a lot of thinking. Not only in my life, but in the lives of those around me.

Through endless conversations I've realized that when having to categorize myself I tend to be more of the root or the rock than the wing or the sea.

It's not that I love Cleveland winters or think that this city has tons of inherent excitement, but somehow I've found a way to truly feel it as my home. It's not that I don't like to get on a plane and travel...see the world and float for a bit, but I couldn't do it forever. I'd want to come back.

I've thought a lot about this over the years. Would 12 months of sunshine create enough happiness that I wouldn't need to be able too see my family whenever I wanted to? Would the ability to go out and walk the beach or hike through a desert mountain mean more than being able hop in my car and get to the people I love? And for me, the answer is that it just wouldn't.

I've always had this internal dialogue with myself. The thing I always get back to is this - I get one life to live with the people I care about. I've been blessed enough to be related to and surrounded with people that I truly, truly love. I want to spend my time by their sides. I already don't see the people I love as often as I'd like to.

I've been called a gypsy in my life. And I guess in some ways internally I am. I can make myself happy in nearly any crowd and nearly any job. I do well with change.

However, I think that the reason that I do so well with change is that I have very strong and long roots. I have a great support system of people around me. I know which people offer me which type of support and I've never been to prideful to ask for it.

Yogi teabag quote of the day: "Love, compassion and kindness are the anchors of life."


Queen Mama Mia said…
You are definitely a seasoned writer for your young years. I am amazed at your depth into yourself. Good post. I'll counter this one in my next post after I find my oomph! I feel sad that another foot of snow has given me dissapointment and we couldn't get together.
Vitamin B-Lardo said…
I was disappointed too. I actually went to bed at 6:15 last night. I skipped dinner and any chance for movement. I must have been more exhausted than I thought.
Queen Mama Mia said…
I can never skip dinner. If I do however, I will wake up and you'll find me in the middle of the night looking for a bowl of cereal. My youngest son does the same thing! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

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The knowing.

You settled into my dream. Stared me from my sleep. And told me it was time for a birth.  I asked if I could stay by your side.  A tender “no” was pushed from your lips. I stood to leave while the others danced around me. Your fear and my rejection walked me out of that dream.
That morning, grief was born. It poured from my body for 7 straight days.
You ghosted my life with coffee, clowns, and diamonds - A knowing that slipped between us. Then a person of your making began to stain my thoughts. He received the words I couldn’t say to you. And we connected over the beauty and pain you left behind.
We both miss your song.

Wild in transition.

I planted a bunch of seeds in my office this winter to try to work through a period of transition that I was experiencing. I bought them lights, watered them, talked to them often, over nurtured them...tried. Now that the sun has been high in the sky and the season is right...they are all growing wildly.

Lesson learned. No matter how much you try, you can't force anything to blossom in the wrong season. Even yourself. You can plant the seeds. You can fill them with intention. But, until the time is right it's mostly about sowing hopes and waiting.

So, now I'll be thinking about the seeds I want to plant in my own life for the next season. What do I want to harvest when the time for growth has come to an end and it's time to store my energy up for the next natural transition?


Press the seed of this story just inside my lips
I will nurture it with warm breath and a low hum
Let it dance from the tip to the cup of this tongue
Then tuck it safe inside my cheek for later
When it's time to swallow it whole