Friday, March 27, 2009

The Good and the Bad of Bondage

Today I want to share something that I’ve learned of the past 31 years of my life.

You can choose to try to create bonds with people over two types of circumstances. Good and Bad.

There's a place for both...but I think there are some important things to think about.

In highschool I used to dwell on my problems and then place the weight of them on people I hardly knew, all the while waiting for a bond to develop.

I had my friends that I could just be myself with…but if there were people I wasn’t sure how to bond with I’d try to get their attention by being needy. In retrospect I can see that it was like I was trying to force them to care about me by putting a burden on them.

I needed emotional attachment, but I was going about getting it by creating drama and sob stories.

After I got myself together in life, learned to embrace who I was and to take other people into consideration before “life-dumping” on them – I realized something.

It is far more attractive to people when you come at them and bond over positive things - or at least over things that are real and presented just as they are (not over dramatized).

People want to be around people that make them feel happy – not weighed down.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times where we need to talk about our problems…but they can’t be the only things we talk about. And a lot of the times they shouldn’t be the FIRST thing we talk about. It’s just not attractive.

Here’s the other thing. When you are a person who presents problems first…you attract a certain kind of friend. The kind that thrives off “saving” the weary. Problem is that these people can be equally as challenging. They get comfortable in the role of saving and often will not encourage you to see the light in situations on your own – because then you don’t need to be saved.

Life should be good and fun. We should have the support we need when we need it….but we have to learn the difference between the bonds formed while dwelling on the negative and the positive.

We have to be self aware enough to know when we are becoming a person too much on one side or the other.

The best matches that we find in life are the ones that allow us to be whatever we need in any given moment…but before these matches can be found a true bond has to be formed.

Consider what you want that bond to be based on.

If you are lingering in someone’s life and dumping only Debbie downer news on them…do they ever really get to see who you are? Will they still want to be around you when you don’t’ have “problems”? Will they ever let you see that life isn’t so bad?

Try to find the positive in every situation and start there.

And if you can't see it...then find someone who is willing and wanting you to see it...and bond with that type of person.

Find your best matches in life and cherish the people that want you to thrive.

4 comments:

Chuck Dilmore said...

Very cool!
Thank you for thinking this - and posting!

peace,
Chuck

Natalie said...

I have been thinking about this all week! Synchronicity at work again. :D

You are so right! Also, you are very brave to admit that about yourself - IN PUBLIC!!!

Well done, wonderful post.xx

Lindy Loo said...

Here here, lady! I'm 100% with you on that!

thedanerbeans said...

It's about a bond...a Jamie's bond. You need a radio show so the world can be enlightened by your genius, seriously. It's so pithy, which is hard when you're super creative but you always pull it off!