Firing up the Canon

After I got down wanting to claw my eyes out because of how embarrassed I am at the interpretation of me at work - I nearly peed my pants. Erin dressed up as me today. Holy tacos. This makes me laugh. The real me. Erin, as me.

Thank you, Sara!!! Glitter In The Air lyrics Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands? Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face And said I just don't care? It's only half past the point of no return The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside? It's only half past the point of oblivion The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames Have you ever felt this way? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la There you are, sitting in the garden Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar You called me sugar Have you ever wished...

I wanted to share a glimpse of my morning drive with everyone. The sky is so beautiful.

Today I ordered a grilled cheese and it came stamped with this pretty little recycle label on it.

When my grandma passed away and i still had things I wanted to say to her...I wrote them in a letter to her, but had no where to send it to. Yesterday I had a lot of emotions I wanted to purge. I wrote them and sealed them in a letter, but had no where to send it to. So I got to thinking...what if there was somewhere to send that letter anonymously. Some place to put it out into the universe and maybe even to get response (not from the intended recipient, but from someone who could relate or just wanted to provide comfort and wisdom). Out of this I started a new idea/blog/community share site. Addressed to Anonymous. Who do you have to say that you can't or just haven't? Who would you write a letter to if it could be anonymous? Don't tell me on here...start writing the letter. Send your letter anonymously to PO Box 365, Chagrin Falls, Ohio 44022. I'll post it on a blog. I'll encourage community response letters and open exchange. The more people that write, the more...

I'm alive and well...just still living in a land of silence. And my brain still needs it. So, please do forgive me. Here's what I can share...In my shut down I've been watching movies! Last night's choice was Kissing Jessica Stein last. I forgot how much I love that movie. I want to share a quote by Rilke that is featured in it a couple of times. "It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive." -Rilke What are your "go to" movies when you need to shut off for a bit? Mine have always been: Eternal Sunshine of the Forgotten Mind Closer One Fine Day Bed of Roses Return to Me This month I...

There are times that I find it necessary to convince myself that I am tough. Even through very trying times I show up for work every day, laugh a considerable amount, and manage to function. Truth is though, sometimes you do need to shut down and find a release…or your body will find one for you. Relationship, health, stability, foundations – each has presented their struggles to me lately. And I’ve acknowledged them, but asked them quickly to pass so I could get back to just being me. I don’t like being the downer. I don’t like facing my fool. But last night I cracked…while sleeping. I was defenseless. I had a terrible dream and woke up already crying. Drenched in sweat and tears, forced to release. I wish that more often I would remember that what wells up inside inevitably overflows. I can shove off hurt or fear when I feel them, but the truth is they don’t go anywhere. They just sink deeper inside and hide until they can sneak up on me again. The best think to do with any emo...

Today I did it. Every morning I drive past a garden supply store on my way to work. And every morning I look at the rooster statue standing more than 5' tall in front of it and think, "I want a picture of him." And then I drive by. I'm either too late for work. Or just not in the mood. Or it's raining. Or I've got other things on my mind. In other words I'm full of excuses. I have spent more time reasoning myself out of taking that picture than it would have taken to just pull over and snap it. What changed today? The Details in the Fabric. It was recommended that I listen to this Jason Mraz song and pay attention to the lyrics. So, I did...and in listening I decided to stop paralyzing myself. To stop driving by just because I'm preoccupied or feeling lost. "Calm Down. Deep Breaths. And get yourself dressed. Instead of running around and pulling all of your threads. And breaking yourself up." And that's what I need to do. The way I...

Dear blog friends. There's a lot changing/happening in my life and unfortunately that has silenced my writing a bit. I feel so afraid to commit words here because in some ways I am a believer that you get back more of what you release into the world. And right now I don't know what I want...so I don't want to release anything. It's a "Be careful what you wish for" kind of thing. I hope that makes sense. I hate being silent here, because this blog...and the community it creates for me has become a home. And I don't want to let anyone down. Mainly myself. If you have any ideas on how I can help my mind to get re-involved with writing and sharing a bit...please pass them on. I could use a little motivation right now. Until then, please keep taking a look at the other blog project I am happily involved in at www.bepurdy365.blogspot.com My camera has become a cherished and constant companion for me. My use of it evolves every day. Happy Fall! Jamie

Rebecca Lynn - Bryan White

Baby says I can't come with him And I had read all of this in his eyes Long before he even said so Why go, I asked You know and I know why And it'll be just as quiet when I leave As it was when I first got here I don't expect anything I don't expect anything Take care I've been hurt before Too much time spend on closing doors You may hate me, but I'll remember to love you Goodbye Don't cry You know why And it'll be just as quiet when I leave As it was when I first got here I don't expect anything I don't expect anything All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery As they steal your best memories away What if I was someone different in your only history? Would you feel the same As I walk out the door Never to see your face again Never to see your face again And it'll be just as quiet when I leave As it was when I first got here It'll be just as quiet when I leave As it was when I first got here I don't expect anything I don't ...

Cleveland Public Library. One of my favorite places downtown. It's just beautiful.

Under the open sky In the middle of a downpour I said your name. The drops suspended mid air And there was a complete cessation of noise. I looked up expecting a bridge overhead But instead found you rolling through my mind. In that moment it became clear... If only I say your name My world will wait for you. As if in applause of my realization A flock of birds rose into sight Scattered wide Then came in tight A heartbeat. A pulse. A sign. You. It's you. It's you.

I've been dealing with some silly medical issues this past week so I've been quiet. I don't really even know what's going on or I'd share in more detail. My body is just feeling a little out of sync in many ways. I'm sleeping it off and checked in with the Dr. just to be sure. She's looking into some stuff. More updates later. Here's what's fun this week ~ :) Courtney and I started a joint blog that is going to be lots of fun...we were going to build up some content and then post it...but I'm too excited. Welcome to be purdy 365 . Courtney is so talented...she rocks. Enjoy her pretty little blog header design. :) I just placed my first online order for Yogi Tea. After receiving the Himalayan Apple Spice sample in the mail I got quite attached. I've looked, but I still haven't been able to find it in any store. So, I gave in and ordered it online along with: Classic India Spice Breathe Deep Echinacea Immune Support Cold Season Te...

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on By Joey Morona September 20, 2007, 2:03PM Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday,May 28, 2006 To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update: 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won...

Cleveland's Little Italy. Enjoy!

I move fast. I say what I feel. I reserve the right to change my mind. I could leave almost any material possession behind. My mind never quits. I can’t sleep in. I’m always looking to get high on life…people and thoughts that light my fire. Heart always wins over head. Passion for people is my life’s common thread. I sleep diagonally, but never comfortably. My ailments are an extension of my head. I like to become a part of other people’s experience. Teach me to feel strong, stable and free. And stay. Bring the dreamer out in me. Sometimes reality is too much for me to take. I’ll do something just for something’s sake. I miss my youth, but love the things I’ve taken responsibility for as an adult. Sometimes the air hits my lungs just right and I remember what it felt like to be a kid. I’m so aware it’s impossible to act oblivious. The words “loved like I should, lived like I shouldn’t” make sense to me. I’ve been told by a boss and friend to “never lose my gypsy spirit.” I can remembe...

"I don't mind what happens." E Tolle. I remember sitting in a Doctor's office in mild panic over a year ago. It happened to be during the time that I was reading through A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Instead of allowing myself escalate into a deeper cycle of panic I remember taking a line from the book and writing it down over and over again. "I don't mind what happens. I don't mind what happens. I don't mind what happens." Just doing this put me in a place where I could deal with the wait. I empowered myself into believing that no matter what came of that visit I could deal with it. I could be okay with whatever. Here I am today with no idea what I was even there for...and I am okay. If I had allow myself to lose that day to completely unhealthy thinking...it would have been for nothing. A day lost. The thing is that if we just allow ourselves to be in a mindset of okayness...we really can deal with anything. Most things don't turn out h...

Some breaks are foreshadowed by cracks veining across an object, spreading rapidly but never causing a fracture. The windshield of a car. A coffee mug dropped in the sink. The interesting thing about this state of destruction is that until there is a complete separation in space...these things cannot be repaired or resurrected. It's in the complete space that you can apply a bonding agent, something to reunite the two pieces and truly hold them together. It is in complete space that the individual pieces show their worth. Where you can see that one really may not work without the other. That both are needed. Some breaks are clean - almost as if they come with instructions for repair. Apply bonding agent here. Stick together. Apply pressure. Rejoice. Others shatter. Pieces go missing. The air always get's through. The coffee always leaks out. There's no handle left to hold on to. But until the break...we may not ever know a thing's true strength or lac...

Connection. Connection. Connection. Last night I received a letter (plus two pages of beautiful toddler drawings that tickled my heart) from a dear friend whom I’ve spent little face time with, but whose energy has sparked my life into greater focus. I opened my life up to her in the moment I first saw her…and luckily enough she reciprocated the friendship. Earlier in the week I received a delicate envelope from a friend I haven’t seen in months and months. Last week I opened two letter bundles from my brother…complete with letters for me and the people I care about. I am here to just rejoice and feel grateful. These letters feel incredible in my hands. It is so centering it is to hold this bundle of packaged words, words placed on paper just for me. There’s a thrill breaking open an envelope to touch a piece of paper that was only days ago in the hands of someone who I care deeply about, but don’t have the privilege of seeing often enough. My eyes gallop across the letters at first,...

My dream last night was particularly disturbing. A man with a half covered face and a robotic expression cornered me against the bathroom wall. He fired one shot that hit my hand and I screamed. "Why did you do that? I'm a writer. How will I write?" Without any delay he turned around and fired again. This time at my throat. I could actually feel myself drowning in the dream. Maura woke up and asked if someone had criticized my writing any time during the day. "No, hmmm." And then all the way to work I spent thinking about what it all could mean. It seems each shot was fired to cut off communication in one form or another. Maybe I'm feeling pent up. Or unheard. Or unable to express. Maybe I'm just not putting enough into my communications. Ponderous. Ponderous. ----------------------------- Hours later I realize - Maybe the real message is to talk less and listen more. I talk A LOT.

We did a mix swap. It was my first...and stretched me beyond my comfort zone. And I'm proud of myself for not shying away. AND NOW....courtesy of Lindy Loo... the best of the best has been compiled online for your listening pleasure. Enjoy here . While you are there take a look around. The blog is filled with fun little tidbits...it's a daily visit for me. xoxo