Firing up the Canon

I started this night off on the wrong foot. Literally. My ankle started bruising from a shin injury I got two weeks ago and in a moment of concern I headed over to see my Dr. Turns out there are broken blood vessels and blood is draining into my foot - like I thought and like I was told by many others. But I know only one way to ease a worried mind in my world and that is my doctor. That issue settled I hurried home and got dressed for the gym - the thing I really wanted and needed to be doing with my night in the first place. I'm leaving for the beach and am down to the wire on time to get into shape. Pulling out of my drive I noticed a little orange note on my door. I grabbed it. City ordinance violation - I had till tomorrow to cut all of the weeds behind my garage down or I was subject to a fine. Now I knew why the city had come by...earlier in the week my female neighbor who does not speak to me on any regular occasion let me know that she wanted them cut. I say okay......

My entire apple-eating existence just changed - here and now. I eat an apple with peanut butter every day. A Granny Smith with Crunchy Reduced Fat Jif to be specific. And every day I wage a battle of balance and sticky fingers. It's been a losing battle, trying to get the peanut butter evenly spread over the triangular shaped wedges that I've been cutting. Trying to not eat all the peanut butter in one bite, leaving the rest of the apple bare and unbalanced. Tasting more tart than nut in most bites. Then today in a moment of discological genius I realized that I was going about it all wrong. I began to cut my apple, this time into discs. Thin little rounds perfect for sandwiching peanut butter, keeping it off my fingers and in perfect flavor balance for every bite. Really it's amazing what a difference this is making. I taste peanut better AND apple every time I bite. And I only have to spread the PB once. Meow to Monday's.

My sinuses are exploding. I had one of those nights where you lay in bed concentrating deeply on breathing through your mouth because neither nostril is enabling airflow. It’s funny how much time you can spending thinking your are suffocating without actually suffocating. I got up after two hours of this to use my neti pot and for the first time ever water would not go through. That makes for a tired, swollen me. So, for motivation on this slow starting Monday morning, I’ll share my Yogi Teabag quote, “KEEP UP!”…(which I fear I’m just not doing in so many regards. It is pointed out to me on a daily basis.) …And, this picture of a license plate my brother shared with me (I think it was actually sent to him from his roommate’s boss, which rocks. Participation is always welcomed and encouraged here.) I guess this license plate was on a car driven by "a couple who had to be at least in their 80's"! - I hope I still have the Up and At Em mindset in my 80's. cheers to ...

I decided to participate in a blog group Friday Shoot-Out. There's a weekly topic...then you just photograph it how you want and Ta-Da you are in. This week's theme - Colors of the Rainbow. Here's my lil contribution. Barking Spider Photos: West Side Market:

Do you know anyone so emotionally powerful that their presence can actually bring you to tears – overwhelming, wonderful, positive tears? People like this are a rare find, but you’ll know when you’ve encountered one because some part of you will feel like it’s bursting out of it’s seams uncontrollably. And that’s how my morning went. I saw an old friend who is amongst a handful of people that make me feel about myself what I want to feel and see. My little life failures get set aside for a moment and my world spins full of the best of me. It’s not that they are gone or sugar coated – they just aren’t important. They aren’t the focus. The connection goes far beyond the day-to-day. It gets into what counts. My friend, she nurtures my soul. I see the better parts of me around her. I laugh, and hard. It’s such a release to have moments of pure self acceptance – especially in the presence of someone else. Caring eyes. Understanding eyes. Forgiving eyes. Encouraging eyes. It’s huge and ...

There’s this scent that I want to purchase. It’s magnetizing, deep, fresh, and $46 per 1/8 of an ounce. I’ve been debating the purchase for almost a week now. I’ve been to the boutique where I found it twice now to try it on, let it mingle with my body chemistry. And we've got it, me and Moonstone, that thing that makes the air tingle pleasantly and dance right up to the nose. For some reason the price doesn’t seem to be enough to deter me from my longing. Yet, for such a relatively small purchase, I’m putting more time into debating than I did my car. A friend suggested that I buy the scent and only wear it on “special occasions.” I got to thinking about the meaning of that. To me every day seems like a special occasion in some ways. I’ve had plenty of things that I’ve stored away waiting for the “right time” the “special occasion”. Years later I dig them out of the box and can hardly remember what I was waiting for. I can't figure out what would have jumped out at me a...

I've been MIA since Friday - but all for good reason. Celebrated our One Year Anniversary and went on a camping trip that was blessed with the most beautiful sunshine ever! I changed my blogger photo to a shot taken on the trip. So I'm feeling good and enjoying life, just not thinking or articulating as much as it takes for me to come up with a well thought out entry. Here's an old blog to fulfill my need for making regular and meaningful posts! Sit Shivering (Written: Wednesday, September 12, 2007) It was so cold in that room. But that was my purpose. I would open the windows in the dead of winter, shut the door and then leave to take a cool shower. When I returned, without drying off, I would dress in only a tank top and shorts which became damp quickly from my body. I still never dry off before putting clothes on. I'd pour a glass of wine retrieve my sketch book and a pen and sit shivering, each individual finger so uncomfortably cold it would hardly move. I wante...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007 Post(er child) Apologies I was the poster child for emotional confusion when I was a teenager. I hadn't really developed my self image because the understanding of what I was feeling inside wasn't even an option at that point. It didn't exist in the world I knew. There wasn't someone to talk to, because there wasn't something that I knew to talk about. I believed I was alone…and at the time I was. Feeling isolated in this way could have set me off in many negative directions. But my way was to disconnect from any confusion, put on my clown suit, complete with a permanently smiling mask, and trudge through. Unfortunately this costume, my shield, meant that I was hurting the people around me instead carrying the weight of the pain alone. I was mean to people. I bullied. I made life hard for other people who were going through their own struggles. I sought confidence and strength through other people's weaknesses. I projected attentio...

I feel like I'm in need of some sort of karmic balancing. Things are a bit topsy turvy this week - and not in my favor (at least not at first glance.) At the beginning of the week I went to the ATM and left my card in the slot to be eaten up by the machine. That very same day I lost my keys and was stuck searching every inch of the falls for an hour before they were located again. Yesterday I left my keys in Old Navy and got pegged in the shin during my softball game. That's a lot of haphazardness for one week. The first time I lost my keys in CVS it was definitely a payback for my laziness. I walked into the store, grabbed a basket to put my stuff in. Threw my keys in the basket and then choose some cereal bars, which I then threw in the basket on top of the keys. After walking around I decided the CVS prices were too high for the things I needed and I was being lazy not making my way to Marcs. So I ditched the basket in the aisle, keys and all (though I didn't know...

I'm going to stick with the topic of inspiration here, because it has been a good week for me. Before I even posted my desire to begin communicating on a more intimate level via the USPS - my friend Amy (Amleru) had already written and sent me a postcard from the very book I referenced in my post Electronicspondance . That's a psychic connection we've had since the beginning of our friendship. I always find myself retelling stories of our early days...these huge coincidences that just seemed to fall into place...turning perfect strangers into friends. One day I want her to retell the story to me to make sure I'm remembering everything right. Either way we've got a bit of a funky mind link that has served us well over the years. I also received my first complete letter in the mail and managed to get one out as well. So, right now the effort is where the inspiration is. I love mail!! My brother has been an amazing resource for great plate messages. He's fin...

I've been getting some divine inspiration from the road lately. I think I mentioned that I kind of look to the plates for lil messages. How seriously or not I take them is up for debate...however it's fun. This week has been personalized on the plate. My initials are JB and so far by license I should be more open to travel and music. Keep your eye on license plate messages - let me know what you see!!

My brother Nick @ Onward Bound sent me this plate for my collection. Besides the fact that I love him dearly, this plate needs to be here because it's true. My blog brings me a lot of happiness. And for all that take the time to read it - well......

Someone was telling me a story about a person they heard about that was looking back over their life in their later years. I’m retelling this story to you per my understanding of it and not in exact quotation of what was said to me, but it went something like this. There was a person in their senior years of life that was recounting their past. They mentioned how at “middle age” they had considered taking up an instrument, but didn’t because they thought they were “too old”. Well at 80 or 90 or however old they were on the program, they said this of their realization, “wow, I could have been playing that instrument beautifully for 40 years already.” Now, that’s perspective. It’s easy to think that it’s too late to start doing something if we are looking backwards at life. Looking backwards means we are paying too much attention to years gone by. If we keep our focus forward – the reality is that it’s never too late. Do the things you want to do in life. Explore what you are curious...

I've been really creatively inspired lately. Wanting to use my hands. Wanting to make things. Wanting to think of new things to do and spend time on. It's exciting. Whenever I'm in this stage of change I find myself doodling lots. Here's my new little friend from the weekend. He needs a name. Any ideas?

I've gotten back into cherishing and sometimes photographing my Yogi teabags. I go all weak in the knees over meaninful daily inspirations. In fact, at times I drink tea just to read the quotes. Words are my temptation. And words that are surrounded by steam and and taste like tea - well, even better. Today's message is really important and too easily overlooked. In life it's so easy to focus on the things we do wrong. Our litte failures. People are eager to point them out to us...and if not careful we could make the mistake of giving them more weight than they are worth. Plus, if we start focusing so closely on the things we do wrong we might even forget that there are enormous list of things we do right. I myself know that I go to battle with my personal downfalls at least once a day. Throwing myself around in the rink. Weakening my worth mentally. Clouding my reality by exhausting energy on negatives. Coincidentally, my dad said something to me this morning that rea...

I am currently in the middle of reading a few books, however The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is my current page turner. It has made me realize how much I truly love reading written correspondence. Letters back and forth between people are so intimate and telling - even if they are fictional. The last book I had like this was Griffin and Sabine by Nick Bantock - it was given to me years ago by a dear friend I'll call Amleru. It is magic. You can pull the letters from envelopes inside the book and go through the entire tactile experience of reading their correspondence. It's a dream book for me and still one of my most cherished presents of all time. All this letter reading has made me want to acquire a non-electronic pen pal. I love writing letters, but I'm one of only a few people I know that actually sends them out anymore. It's much more rewarding when there is a somewhat even exchange. Well that and something to talk about since we get all this ...

Yogi teabag quote of the day - "Act, Don't React." I feel like when confronted with things it is human nature to spend so much time assembling our response/defense/reaction in our heads that we forget to really listen or hear what is being said to us in the first place. The moment we feel we are being disrespected or attacked we begin the process - we start assembling our next line, our defense. Unfortunately, in that exact moment we stop listening. Totally and completely. Because you can't listen when you are talking, even if the talking is only going on in your head. None of us are above doing this, it's human nature. But, it's a huge communication flaw - and extremely destructive. The person speaking never feels heard for what they intend to say and the person "listening" never really takes in the message. We don't learn each other. We don't progress. We only shield ourselves from that which we don't want to explore. We create...

I have a thing for doodling. Lately it's been a lot of birds. On wires. In trees. In flight. The stillness. Mothering. Leaving. Floating away. And today I decided to transfer the pen to my skin. Yogi teabag quote of the day - "A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

What do you do when you start a book that is really slow at the beginning or just doesn't seem to move you? Is the right thing to set the book aside and move on or keep turning the pages and making it through. I never can decide. What do you do? How many pages do you give a book before you decide you just aren't going to give it a full read?

What a great way to start every day. A small reminder that no matter what - you're okay. Photo contributed by Erin I have to admit I'm really loving being on the receiving end of all of these great license plate photos. If you find a great one feel free to email a photo of it at jamiebelardo@gmail.com ------------------------------------------- Yogi teabag quote of the day - "Oneness is achieved by recognizing your self." When I read this it makes total sense to me, but I want to take it one step further. To me, "Oneness is achieved by recognizing yourself IN OTHERS." We gain so much comfort in life by recognizing little pieces of our own actions in the people around us. So to me this quote means not only recognizing yourself and being content enough to say, "I'm Okay", but also to recognize that the successes and failures of others are the successes and failures of our own selves. We are all human and share so much. We are not above anyo...

Try Hot Sauce! Plate contributed by Nick at nickonwardbound.blogspot.com Also - yesterday at the gas station the car at the pump next to me read "FAT IS IN". I loved it and wanted to take a photo, but the people were in the car and didn't look like they'd take to kindly to me snapping shots of their car.

Some things require momentum to carry on, some are simply bound by gravity.

Like the outstretched ash of a cigarette that’s been inhaled too long, it hangs there waiting to fall. Its crackle, the one separating now from the next moment’s irreparable shatter, is distinct. It pops and moans at a speed a sad heart can’t reach. So the change has time to take place before your eyes. A slow motion goodbye, begging for a soundtrack. A high pitched, anticipatory whine that dances through the eardrum loud enough to numb the brain. In an instant too soon, your stubborn abiding lips pop open to feed a brain starving for more than nicotine. Oxygen swirls eagerly to fill the space and it happens. These tiny flakes of the togetherness drift downward. And one-by-one they are stolen by the breeze. A shrill cry picks up volume and pushes past the paper pressed between your lips. A flood of tears drown the remaining flame.

Serenity graduated from Kindergarten yesterday. I'm so proud of her. She looked so beautiful, took time during the ceremony to continually wave at her little brother, she sang in french, she sang in spanish, she sang every word. I love the look on her face when she's laughing. I love the way she interacts with her friends. I love how she can lead a group. I love the way she makes other people special even when the moment is hers. Some people light our lives up from the very second that we meet them. You go, girl.

Today's license plate submission from Erin! Thank you if you are sending me plate images!  I love it! Yogi teabag quote of the day - " Empty yourself and let the universe fill you."

A dear friend of mine just sent me this license plate picture. WHTS UR Y? I felt inclined to answer. "Love. Spontaneity. Raw Moments." So what's your "why"? What things are important to you? Why do you find yourself making the decisions you make in life? Are your reasons now notably different than they were before?