I've been MIA since Friday - but all for good reason.
Celebrated our One Year Anniversary and went on a camping trip that was blessed with the most beautiful sunshine ever! I changed my blogger photo to a shot taken on the trip.
So I'm feeling good and enjoying life, just not thinking or articulating as much as it takes for me to come up with a well thought out entry.
Here's an old blog to fulfill my need for making regular and meaningful posts!
Sit Shivering (Written: Wednesday, September 12, 2007)
It was so cold in that room. But that was my purpose. I would open the windows in the dead of winter, shut the door and then leave to take a cool shower. When I returned, without drying off, I would dress in only a tank top and shorts which became damp quickly from my body. I still never dry off before putting clothes on.
I'd pour a glass of wine retrieve my sketch book and a pen and sit shivering, each individual finger so uncomfortably cold it would hardly move.
I wanted to be this uncomfortable on the outside, to match or maybe numb what I was feeling inside. Help the burning make its way to the surface. Ease the way I was feeling. It was my fight for a release.
I would cross-hatch each line of your silhouette into the paper, giving the burn inside of me somewhere to go. Fast strokes that used my entire arm to propel them because my fingertips were stiff and bigger movements meant some sense of warmth. I gave to each line the things I thought I needed to say. The places I wanted to be. The discontent I wanted to purge.
My talent for drawing doesn't exist, but on those few occasions I created something I could stand to look at. I still have them with me, hanging on the wall of my office. Reminding me of the places I had been before now. Reminding me how I got to where I am. They are small pieces of a big whole that I can't entirely remember because I worked very hard to numb everything that made me feel.
Celebrated our One Year Anniversary and went on a camping trip that was blessed with the most beautiful sunshine ever! I changed my blogger photo to a shot taken on the trip.
So I'm feeling good and enjoying life, just not thinking or articulating as much as it takes for me to come up with a well thought out entry.
Here's an old blog to fulfill my need for making regular and meaningful posts!
Sit Shivering (Written: Wednesday, September 12, 2007)
It was so cold in that room. But that was my purpose. I would open the windows in the dead of winter, shut the door and then leave to take a cool shower. When I returned, without drying off, I would dress in only a tank top and shorts which became damp quickly from my body. I still never dry off before putting clothes on.
I'd pour a glass of wine retrieve my sketch book and a pen and sit shivering, each individual finger so uncomfortably cold it would hardly move.
I wanted to be this uncomfortable on the outside, to match or maybe numb what I was feeling inside. Help the burning make its way to the surface. Ease the way I was feeling. It was my fight for a release.
I would cross-hatch each line of your silhouette into the paper, giving the burn inside of me somewhere to go. Fast strokes that used my entire arm to propel them because my fingertips were stiff and bigger movements meant some sense of warmth. I gave to each line the things I thought I needed to say. The places I wanted to be. The discontent I wanted to purge.
My talent for drawing doesn't exist, but on those few occasions I created something I could stand to look at. I still have them with me, hanging on the wall of my office. Reminding me of the places I had been before now. Reminding me how I got to where I am. They are small pieces of a big whole that I can't entirely remember because I worked very hard to numb everything that made me feel.
Comments
Your post is so moving! I am not sure what to say - I felt pain, sadness, anguish and hope all wrapped up in a few paragraphs.
Are you okay now? I hope so!
I am so happy that you are joining us! It is a lot of fun'
And this morning I saw a licence plate - not sure I understood it, but my first thought was, "I wonder if Jamie would like or understand that." It was FUK 666. I THINK I get it...just not positive!